Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
Randomize
