You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
