sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
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