i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
It's rum buckets o'clock
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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