I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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