I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
Randomize
