I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize