Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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