also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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