one might say we're banned from that church
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
