Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
