We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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