Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Randomize
