At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Your penis caused this!
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