Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
