I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
