shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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