if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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