I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
