I wanna passion pit in your ass
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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