I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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