I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
she looked like the before picture.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
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