she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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