Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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