You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
