my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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