So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
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