dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
