Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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