I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Randomize
