I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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