so let's talk penis.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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