I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
