Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
