Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
