when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
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