Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize