Can i not drive my cunt home
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
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