god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize