4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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