And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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