my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
