dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
