Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
