My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
