i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize
