Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
