as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
