is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
