I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
