Having a random hookup so left but love u
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize