so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
