WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
