I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
