like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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