ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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