It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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