I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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